Rainy day

What a downer.
I mean, for the last few days or so, more than that, really, I have been just playing the self-doubt game in my head,.......and I am frustrated and "at-my-wits-end" with it. Perhaps it's all of this crazy weather, the snow, ice, now rain and freezing rain, dreary day-sort-of-feeling.
As a result, I haven't been able to get to the barn, see Guru, ride, work,............do something. I am not even in my own house, so it's not like I can clean my house or reorganize a room or something "productive" with all of this pent-up frustration and energy.
Tomorrow I am going to the barn in Dalzell to work; Di has been emailing with me back and forth since all of this weather over the weekend, with the two new horses in now (they came through the weather on Saturday! Bless them. ), I am seriously hoping this will be the productive, fresh, new project/productive thing I need to move on and feel like I am 'making a difference'. working. doing something. not being lazy or sitting around the house all day reading a book that should only take me a day to read, but it's now taken me 2 or 3,........it does not help when you are only 1/2 intrigued with the book, I guess. Kind of like how I am with what I am doing now. I feel like I am not 'getting anywhere' or being productive or important. I don't like it. I want to be productive in work and do something meaningful (with horses, please).
Stupid college.
If I could have one wish, it would be to be a professional, international Grand Prix Dressage trainer/rider and make enough (or win the lottery) in the sport to support myself and have a clinic. Perhaps do a homeopathic studies, to do more of the sort of accupressure, accupuncture, chiropractic, massage therapist sort of work in a clinic to help support the passion. Mmmmmm, what do you think? Anyone want to help out a struggling rider/pre-vet student with big dreams but a small wallet?
-Em