What a downer

Sorry about the downer post below, I am just frustrated and saw someone post a comment at the thepioneerwoman.com blog commenting on a similar rant and ya know what? I totally agreed. Amen to that. It hit me; yeah, education IS important, but I AM officially financially screwed for the next 10 years, if not more. It is so frustrating.

Not to mention trying to balance all the other shit I am into right now, I am just feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. and overwhelmed with the feeling of not being good enough. or tall enough. or pretty enough. or neat enough. or riding better. or blonde enough. or thin enough. or flat-stomach-ed enough. or tan enough. or busy enough. or multi-tasking enough. or smart enough. or quick enough. or efficient enough.

I hate feeling not good enough. It gets me down.

I have been so busy the past couple of weeks with what-have-you that I have not been able to ride S or Pokey as much as I want to, I have been able to, but not as much as I feel I NEED to. Not to mention, I am riding a young baby horse still at WAF in addition to D wanting me to get back into riding Joey, a cantakerous old TB who is used in lessons, at least once a week in lessons to get me "back into the system". I do not mind riding him but I feel like it is going to be too much, especially with school coming up and needing to get that done, as well as everything else, I just do not have time for it. Which I hate to say, but it's true. I just don't. But, I cannot say no, so I say yes. *sigh* Especially once May comes and hopefully we will be getting Guru back into work, regardless of stiffness, I just want to be able to hack him and work him slowly back into rehab. He will come back. I just know it. ;)

I feel like I do not have the schedule to be able to juggle everything that I am doing and being thrown on me and being given to me to do :/. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I need to vent. Perhaps Danny will have some insight.

Hopefully.

I leave to go to Tryon tomorrow to groom for ST and her young horse Geyser over the weekend, so that should be great; I LOVE horse shows, esp. Tryon. I NEED to get away and just be.

-Em